Mazey Eddings pens an infectious, heartfelt debut in A Brush with Love, the first in a loose romance series following a group of four close friends as they navigate life, love and mental health. Intent on writing “romance for every brain” Eddings’ debut gets her off to a brilliant start, detailing the harsh reality that is living with severe generalized anxiety disorder in Harper, a senior student of dentistry intent on landing residency as an oral surgeon focusing on facial reconstruction.
Organized and meticulous, Harper makes dental school her life. While she does make time for friends, relaxation is a fickle thing, especially with anxiety a near-constant, nagging presence that controls her entire brain. Panic, paranoia, and worry are all-consuming, wherein the only true sense of relief comes from control over her own education. Studying is an outlet, albeit an unhealthy, toxic one that often leaves her forgoing sleep, not to mention skipping out on dating and quality time with her friends. To some, this may seem unrealistic or cruel, but damn if it wasn’t relatable as someone who spent years driven by anxiety and ambition, spurred on by familial expectations to do well as the first to attend college in the family, to land a job in a field I loved, to put damn near everything into studying. The result? Severe burnout and missed opportunities, not to mention an incredibly disappointing reality check when it came to the economy and job hunting. Spoiler alert: I still haven’t landed a job in the industry I went to school for, and it breaks my heart a little each day.
The stress had her averaging a solid three hours of sleep a night, the rest of the time spent staring at her ceiling while what-ifs and worst cases swirled through her brain and down her throat, settling sickeningly in her stomach as worry cuddled close to her chest.
– excerpt from Mazey Eddings’ A Brush with Love
All of this to say that while Harper may seem extreme, she’s heart-breakingly real, and in her, Eddings examines both anxiety and trauma with incredible care and depth. Anxiety and the resulting, all-consuming paranoia and panic attacks are messy. They can and do push others away, and in Harper, that rings so, so true, even if it may make her unlikable and downright savage at times. Dentistry is Harper’s passion, and while anxiety is something that she needs to recognize, overcome, and seek help for, her journey is valid and emotional, and begins on the very first page when she runs, quite literally, into Dan, sending a dental mold shattering to the ground. Despite the fall, the duo hit it off immediately, chemistry flowing between them in adorable, dorky banter. Harper, feeling flustered and guilty, offers to help the first year replace the broken mold, and from then on, their relationship unfolds in a slow-burn, forced proximity romance where they both fall fast, but he falls first, as seen through an alternating, dual POV.
Harper isn’t the only one struggling at Callowhill’s School of Dentistry. Where Harper is driven by anxiety but deeply passionate about her studies and work in the clinic, Dan is the exact opposite. He loathes dentistry, in large part, due to his upbringing. As the son of a famous dentist who revolutionized reconstructive techniques in dentistry, Dan lives in the false shadow of his father’s fame, spurred on by guilt, shame and expectation following the man’s passing. To make matters worse, Dan endured years of emotional abuse at the hands of a tough father, but, giving into his mother’s grief and panic at having to run the family dental practice alone, Dan leaves his successful (and satisfying) job in finance and heads to dental school.
But no matter how hard he tries, or how much effort he puts in, he can’t seem to get it. Internal shame, panic, and guilt mix with external jabs aimed his way by classmates who recognize his name and expect too much, and Dan finds himself floundering under the pressure – until he meets Harper. The pressure doesn’t go away, but it eases up when he watches Harper work. Her passion for dentistry is a balm to his weary soul, one that provides a bit of comfort even as he continues to break under the pressure of school, the weight of expectation pushing him away from his studies and his insistent mother, and toward Harper, a bright spot of light in his life, one that offers escape even as she pushes him away out of fear of her own failure.
That chronic nervousness hummed just below her skin, always tempting her to stay home, bury herself in work, maintain impenetrable control of her small world. For Harper, control was always the winning choice over the unknown.
– excerpt from Mazey Eddings’ A Brush with Love
The push and pull of their relationship, ignited time and again by forced proximity, is tender and wholesome. While Harper’s need for control and perfection causes a handful of communication mishaps and problems, Dan is a generous cinnamon roll of a character who is understanding, patient and downright adorable. His charm is infectious, and he proves from the beginning that he won’t give up on Harper, often coaxing her out of her shell of hyper-focused study fixation and out into the world, even if it just to tackle basic necessities including grocery shopping, studying, and impromptu breakfast and lunch breaks to ensure that Harper is still eating. He provides comfort and support when her anxiety and panic attacks lead to a quick hospital stay, and he offers compassion and understanding when a party becomes too overwhelming and claustrophobic.
While Harper battles with her own inner demons, expectation and survivor’s guilt (another product of anxiety and shame, born on the day her mother died in a car accident, which Harper was present for), we witness trauma of a different kind in Dan, who pushes aside his own vulnerability and aspirations, a result of his emotionally manipulative and borderline abusive upbringing due to his father’s cruelty and strictness. Convinced that he has to follow in his father’s footsteps to take care of his mother, Dan drops everything to run the family dental business, even though he can’t stand the idea, preferring numbers to biology and medicine. He’s so paralyzed by expectation that can’t even fathom speaking to the woman, avoiding her calls and texts as he struggles to comprehend his studies. His frustration and vulnerability are heart-breaking to witness, and yet another example of how the weight of expectation can destroy not only emotional stability but relationships. Unable to communicate his own needs, Dan flounders, Harper the only bright spot in his crumbling world.
He was a passive bystander in his own life, the wants of others dictating his own future.
– excerpt from Mazey Eddings’ A Brush with Love
As Dan wages war, not only with himself, but with Harper’s on-and-off moods, we witness deep-seated, genuine pining, and it hurts. We ache alongside Dan as he continues to pursue her friendship, supporting her even as she breaks his heart by pushing him away, having convinced herself that she’s not capable or ready or worthy of a relationship. The result is two absolute disasters orbiting one another, and it is a tense rollercoaster of a read that ultimately hinges on hope and self-healing through therapy and communication. The road is long, and emotional, but the result is an absolute joy of a romance.
Something deep within him recognized a matching piece in Harper. He knew the moment his lips touched hers. That piece would pivot from searching to found. […] He didn’t want to be a distraction. He wanted to be a cheerleader. A stress reliever. A laugh. A kiss… He wanted to support her.
– excerpt from Mazey Eddings’ A Brush with Love
Amidst the backdrop of their budding relationship, a thing of immediate sexual tension and chemistry, but incredibly slow to actually ignite, Eddings dives headfirst into dentistry and the result is informative and insightful, adding depth to Harper’s character while simultaneously showing off Eddings’ own passions. Writing from experience as a dental student, Eddings examines sexism and harassment in the workplace, giving Harper agency as she deals with a difficult client in the school clinic during a routine extraction, Dan acting as a shadow. Despite the verbal backlash and backhanded comments thrown her way, Harper holds her own, professional and in control of the situation – one that we witness through Dan’s eyes, full of anger on her behalf. While he is quick to stand up for her, Harper pushes his protectiveness aside, displaying a strong sense of self-confidence and control in standing up for her own abilities and talents while simultaneously putting the patient in his place. Though I would have loved to see Eddings lean more into the dental work and education, especially from Harper’s POV, there is just enough to solidify the novel as a clear, unique POV and concept in following dental students and dentistry as a profession.
Ultimately, A Brush with Love is a journey to self-discovery. It’s a glimpse into the true, visceral horror is anxiety, which can be an all-consuming reality, one that has the ability to break down even the strongest of relationships. By tackling the characters’ vulnerabilities and showing them at their absolute worst, Eddings opens the door for growth as the characters take time to recognize their faults, even as they struggle to overcome them. The result is an emotional rollercoaster of a romance full of pining and dorky banter, one that is packed with mishaps and hardship and vulnerability, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. After all, “No one should have to lose a piece of themselves to make others comfortable.”
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